..............

Feeling it again... That dying desperate urge to run away from everything linked with guilt heavier than ever.
 I constantly feel like no ones listening to me. Probably because I talk crap and nothing else... I question myself again and again. What am I doing? But I never got an answer. I'm clueless. I hate it when people reprimand me. I'm killing my future. I'm killing myself. With and without realizing it. How long more will this shattered mask hold out? I'm pretty much exhausted from all the sarcasm around me. The hypocrisy and everything. I'm tired of people who insist on extending their hand to me but in truth, never mean anything. I'm tired of it all. I have no clue to why the fuck am I still moving on, or at least pretending to do so. I question myself again. What is it that I really want? Love? That's out of the question. I'm happy to be single. Nothing's tying me down anymore. Yeah, I'm pretty much a bitch because right here, RIGHT NOW I'll confess that I never knew if I truly liked him or not. Yeah, I hated 70% of the stuff he does. Fuck cares now.

I'm envious of those who really stay with each other for a long time. I hold admiration for their loyalty. I can't remember the last time I truly loved someone. Or maybe perhaps I never did. I've long surrounded and barricaded myself with senseless illusions of perfection. A vision that would never exist. Yet I pursued it. I chased, tried, experimented but it failed you see. I'm already coming to the conclusion that most guys are assholes. Egoistic bastards with no care to the world. Your sense of humanity is long lost. Don't even try to start that fucking topic with me. I'm bored of arguing my case. Oh just because I'm still a high schooler who's not exposed to the world means that I have none of my own views? Break it in your mind. I'm not a fucking marionette.

I.
Have.
A.
BRAIN.

Just because I tend to sit around stupidly and gaze off into a distance doesn't mean I'm retarded. I HAVE things on my mind. SOME THINGS are MEANT to be left UNSAID so STOP FUCKING PROBING. I'm thick, fucking thick. But somehow, people FORGET everything, brushing off everything as the past. I'm terribly sorry, I hold grudges that lasts for long. So what if I don't forgive? SO WHAT IF I DON'T FORGET? Realize your own mistake, dumbass. I'll be the queen of errors if I'M THE ONE who's constantly at fault. Like you're some angel or perfect being. Oh, go on, deny. What the fuck. Misunderstanding, hell yeah. I know. I get everything. So I'll just retreat to my otaku life shell which I've always led. No more socializing. That's pretty darn fun. Sitting in front of my god damn pc everyday, reading and watching porn, oh gosh, that's FUN! It beats going out with ANY guy.

Falling back, falling back... I shouldn't blame anyone but myself. But there's only so much I can take. Heads up, reality check! I'm only HUMAN.