さ、さ、落ちてくれませんか？
The plunge. All great things come to an end. A chapter ends. And a new page flips open to resume the tale of idiocy committed by a single fool.
Too bad for you that I'm not slitting my wrists yet. No intentions of doing so at all.
This year's gotta be one of the dreariest celebration ever held. It's not because I didn't get enough red packets. For one, not everyone in the family came back to the hometown for the classic reunion dinner. Family conflicts were discussed at the dinner table. Insufficient booze. Violent kids who won't sit still. Insufficient booze.
Putting aside the issues throughout the gathering...
A few kids body-slammed me when I was trying to get some sleep.
One of the strangled me by pulling the scarf I was wearing really hard.
They enjoyed flipping my skirt up.
I lost enough amount of hair needed for a wig for a doll because little toddlers were OBSESSED with play "dress up". The body-slams were just tricks to immobilize me. Mind you, they aren't actually toddlers. They're grade schoolers damn it. And bloody heavy they are.
Everything really drained my already non-existent festive spirit. I was pretty hyped up by festivals at the start of the year. Somehow, as the days rolled by, everything just faded into oblivion. It's clear to everyone that I'm putting up a farce. It's difficult to wear two masks at the same time. I speak cheerfully to a person while pouring my sorrow out to another with neither party realizing it. I'm getting bored of it. I'm getting sick of it. If I show how I really feel, what do I get? Lectures, lectures, lectures! If I'm meant to constantly show up with a smile, the the statement "Be yourself" is complete bullshit.
I often find myself changing Youji's words of "There's no eternity" to "There's no future." Negativity strikes. Negativity won. Being a pessimist never really hurts. You don't expect the best. You expect the worse of the worse. You throw yourself into constant panic and anxiety. That, is life. The sky's high. Ever tried to figure out how big the distance the sky is from the ground? Why aim for it when the chances of gravity pulling you down is higher? Besides, if you ever reach up there, don't you think that there'll definitely be thousands of hands trying to pull you down? You may have done good but it can only be seen with love. It's one of the Umineko no Naku Koro ni statements. You see a certain person in a bright light because you admire that person. You'll always see a certain person in an awful light because you hate that person. For example, you're fond of A, and you see A offering alms to beggars. You think it as an act of kindness. Next, you see B, which you hate, offering alms to beggars, too. You would instantly translate this as an act of self-promotion in your mind, wouldn't you? Or maybe you'll assume that the offerings are poisoned or cursed or anything. It's normal for people to do such things.
The future is unknown, the past has passed and the present is a present. I would really love to take Niwa Tetsuya's advice of "Your worries are so insignificant, the wind will blow it away!". I can't. I don't attend Bell Liberty nor am I a judo black belt. I do not have what it takes to be a leader, or "King" in this case. Therefore, I have a tendency to either work my ass off away in the limelight OR sleep my days off. I'll put it straight. I don't enjoy the art of conversation randomly. In fact, I don't really want to engage in it unless there is someone willing to listen to my blabbering of my latest infatuation. Why do I dislike conversing? Simple, I hate making small tiny mistakes. A simple slip of the tongue will have that memory immediately tagged as "Embarrassment" followed by the expression of my companion. Really. Seriously. I hate that feeling a lot. From that very moment, you'll begin to fret. "Oh shyt! What does he/she think about me now?? Nooooo!" Something like that if you're on the extremes.
I rather liked N!(normal)Katsuya Saeki and often find myself subconsciously emulating him. That's not a good thing at all. VERY NO. But I still do it. Probably it was because I felt that I could connect with him. Without the glasses of course. Definitely without the glasses. It's N!Katsuya's timid nature that drew me in. Kichiku Megane's awesome, a near dream-come-true=desu!=situation for people similar to N!Katsuya. Well, that's only if you run into people like Honda Kenji or Igarashi Taiichi. If you happen to chance upon anyone else... You're pretty much fucked. Literally. Entering M!(megane)Katsuya mode, well, you pretty much fuck around with everyone else. Again, please take this literally. With the megane/glasses on, Katsuya just gets this incredible personality flop. I wouldn't called N!Katsuya a wuss, he's just not confident. I feel tempted to write "DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! BELIEVE IN ME WHO BELIEVES IN YOU!" for N!Katsuya's Honda Kenji route but it's just not the case. Ah.. My fingers itch to replay that game... No, I'm not a fan of selfcest. I can't help but burst out laughing at the selfcest scenes. Not that it's awful, in fact, it's FABULOUS! But try to imagine this. Hirakawa Daisuke voicing both roles at one go. Or maybe two. It's a difficult thing to do. The man's got talent. A million fangirl roses for him.
And after two hours of switching windows and writing, I finally realize that I have completely lost my point. Not that I care though. I'm just ranting what I wished to rant. I jumped from rants to BL games. Cool! Now I know why people say I'm nuts!
Poor thing, you must definitely be really annoyed at those brats. Hell, if I was in your place, I would have lost it and slapped them when I found out that they were cutting my hair to make a wig for their dolls.
ReplyDeleteChin up, the year isn't over yet, there'll be plenty of opportunities to make money.