complex

I wonder if being stubborn is supposedly a good or bad thing... I mean, I'm being stubborn for ALL the wrong reasons and resisting good. I must've set my brain to function like a magnet in the opposite way it seems. I've been receiving advise after advise and I finally, finally realize that I've been only listening but not doing anything. What the hell is this? A new form of self satisfaction?! I'm willing to bet that those who have been advising me for a long time could have possibly given up hope, like a certain someone I will not mention here.
It's safe to say I'm being cowardly by constantly backing down and turning delusional at points of my life. Admiring and envying those who seem so darn strong, it seems that it's turned itself into part of me. No, it's not good at all. Who the heck wants to spend their entire life as a green-eyed monster? I never had the intention to do so but in the end I still do it, which is why I've said that I'm stubborn for the wrong reasons. I'm one hell of a spoiled brat, yeah. It seems that I've always longed for recognition yet dodge it when I receive it simply because I'm afraid I'll get conceited. Probably. Or maybe I'm just taking all the wrong things to heart. Seriously, I take insults and criticism to heart but never praises. Hm, I attract negativity, as well as expel it. It's not supposed to be my second nature, it's NOT! I wonder how many times have I spoken of this, received countless amount of advise, and yet never change a single bit. Everyone's getting tired of this. I'm getting tired of this! If only stubbornness was a condition that could be "dispelled" as easily as other statuses like in Ragnarok Online... And there I go blinding myself from reality again. I hate it when I feel like I understand the gravity of the situation when in truth, I don't. I'm not gonna defend myself by saying no one's perfect because I would be further shielding myself from the "truth".